this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
