he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
