We won't sleep together?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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