Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
