Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize