Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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