you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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