Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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