The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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