dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
