The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
