Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
