Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
