I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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