My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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