with your own penis?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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