he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
