He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
