in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
