he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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