Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
