I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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