I think I died a long time ago.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
