I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
