Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Randomize
