Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
