i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have already put on my inside pants.
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