Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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