D3 body, D1 cock
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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