then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize