We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Randomize
