I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
