Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sober January is a disaster.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
