I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize