Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
