Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
