Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
