i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
