maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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