i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
