you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
