i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
