I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
