You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
