even my farts smell like vagina
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
