The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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