Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
