kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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