I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
