Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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