If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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