I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
