We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
