obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
