I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
