just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize