My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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