there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dick very happy bro
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize