look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
