Who wears a wallet chain?!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
