Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
