She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
