if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
