so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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