K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
