I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize