My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
