Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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