Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
