Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
