I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
