it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
