mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
