That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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