Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
