the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
