I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
