What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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