I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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