Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
