i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just had sex on a roof
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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