my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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