I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
