Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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