the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
