If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
