While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize