ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
