I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
