She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize