Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
