Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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