I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
COCAINE IS GR8
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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