im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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