my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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