I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Randomize
