I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
