I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize