Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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