Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
