You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize