A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize