You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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