the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh god it's open bar.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
