I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
