Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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