My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
