Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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