But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Someone shit on the floor
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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