i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
