First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
