Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize