Me too!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Every concussion has its silver lining
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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