I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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