Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
