just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
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